Esther 4:14b

"...and who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this."

Friday, November 6, 2009

A Fun Way To Spend A Thursday Morning

We’re still on a quest to find out what has been causing my stomach issues since this past June. After all the tests my internist ran kept coming up normal, I decided to head to a gastroenterologist instead to see if he could figure out anything. I had my first appointment with him a week ago and was given orders to have an x-ray of my upper GI and small bowel as well as a colonoscopy.

Fun stuff I tell ya! Stuff I thought I’d be dealing with when I was in my 50s not when I was 28. But, I guess when you have a family history of colon cancer (my paternal grandma died from it when she was 55), they want you to have these sort of tests sooner if you’re having issues.

Yesterday was my lucky day to go and drink barium milk shakes. They’re so delicious! If you haven’t had one, make sure you schedule your next upper GI and small bowel x-ray stat.


Here’s the lovely little cell room where you too could spend a few hours. It has everything you could ever want – a cold floor, hard seat, florescent lighting, and drafts. It’s absolutely fabulous! Of course you have the option of walking out and sitting in the hallway if you don’t want to stay in here, but there is one problem.

See those blue things sitting in the corner? You know. The ones that open in the back so that you’re whole rear end is visible for the world to see? That’s what you’ll be wearing if you decide to leave your isolation cell cushy room to go and enjoy the slightly warmer and less sterile hallway.

What’s that I hear? You want a photo?

flash for face

Oops. That won’t work. How about this one?

thrilled patient

What? You thought I was going to post my rear end flapping in the breeze? Ha! Not when you have junk in the trunk like me! Oh and see that crazy fake smile on my face? That’s what happens to you when you’re locked in that little room while you wait for them to come and force three cups of barium milkshakes down your throat.

Thankfully my lady was so nice and allowed me to wear a second gown as a jacket to cover up my backside. It made for a stellar fashion statement with my black and grey striped knee socks. Let me tell ya.

Besides the accommodations and beverages, the x-rays really were easy as pie. And, here are a few words for my fellow cellmates patients from yesterday: JUST DRINK THE STUFF ALREADY! Don’t complain about it! Trust me, they know it tastes awful. You complaining about it is not going to make the process any easier on you or them. Sure you have to rock back and forth and from side to side to stir up the barium once you ingest it, but lying still and holding your breath really isn’t that hard people.

I was such a stellar patient the doctor told the x-ray technician to hire me. I  have to admit, her job looks pretty fun. Maybe a career change is somewhere in my future. It would be closer to the pre-med track I was on in college than my current job as an office manager. And, I’ve never been more proud of my small bowel. The fact that it moved the barium through it fast allowed me to get out of there after only two hours instead of four.

Afterwards, I finally chowed down on some breakfast with a chaser of milk of magnesia. Now that stuff is nasty!


  1. I remember those milkshakes well. On July 6, 2009, after the surgeon told me I had colon cancer, I had to head to the hospital for that and other pre-op tests in preparation for the surgery.


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